Dear Citizens of Maine:
I regret to inform you that your right to vote is hereby rescinded, effective immediately. We had hoped it wouldn’t come to this, but your insistence on continually electing Susan Collins to the Senate, cannot be tolerated. We can tolerate Democrats, and we can tolerate Republicans, but this whole ‘Benedict Arnold’ thing has to stop.
You will be glad to know you won’t be the only State to lose this Right. We are in the process of removing all voting booths from Arizona, Utah, Kentucky and Alaska as well. This sort of dipshitery cannot be tolerated or allowed to spread. We must nip it in the bud!
You’ll get over it, and will likely find something else to do with your time. People of your intellectual ability should have no problem with finger-painting or binge watching episodes of The Kardashians. Your water supply will be tested to see if that’s what’s making you so damn stupid.
The Committee to Stop Dipshitery